Ah, it’s holiday season. Fall semester has ended. The year is coming to the close. Time for some thoughtful reflection and future investment.
SONG INSPIRATION
The month’s blog is inspired by one of my favorite songs from Ariana Grande’s album, Sweetener.
CHRISTMAS
Christmas is my second favorite holiday. Hopefully, this two-week break will be just what I need to hit the ground running in the new year. By the time I post this blog, I’ll be on the gulf coast with my family. The plan – per usual for winter break – is part family, part friendship, and part relaxation. I’m excited to spend more time with my silly family. I’ve already laughed more than I expected. I’m also anxious to link up with friends, some of whom I haven’t seen in a year (since last Christmas). Of course, I’m equally stoked to relax and recharge. It’s why I plan to do little, if any, real work. Although this semester was a doozy, I managed to accomplish a lot. I wrote very rough drafts of two of my dissertation chapters. I completed the last of my 490 volcanology experiments after two years. Not to mention, a number of other action items which I won’t bore you with. Next semester will be just as busy albeit in a different way. I have a lot of new exciting things on the docket, so Imma need a rested mind for Janvier.
10 YEARS AGO
Recently, I’ve found myself reflecting on how much my life has changed in the last decade. We never stop growing, but sometimes it’s important to take stock in how far we’ve come in order to gain perspective. I’ve decided to share some personal milestones I’ve achieved since 2008 by showing you where I was ten years ago.
- I was still a Christian. Faith, spirituality, and religion are – in theory – personal experiences. Ten years ago, that experience began to end for me. I had many unanswered questions and many issues with organized religion. Even so, I clung to my faith. I come from a deeply religious Protestant (Missionary Baptist) family in the deep south. My religiosity peaked in elementary and middle school, when I used to draw churches, reference God in many of my writings/drawings, and regurgitate religious doctrine to friends and family. By high school that had started to wane. Hurricane Katrina, ironically, re-strengthened my faith, but that was temporary. By 2009, I was agnostic. My new journey sans Christianity was wrought with guilt and existential fear. Today, I don’t regret my decision. At times I take this decision for granted, but it was a life-altering experience that fundamentally shaped and shook my life.
- I had not forgiven my parents. Today, my parents and I enjoy a healthy, happy, knee-slappingly silly relationship. Truth be told, I had a good childhood. But parents – like many other couples – are subject to the ups and downs of marriage. This frequently affects children. For me, it rocked my teen years. After Katrina, that started to change for the better. By 2008, I’d graduated from high school and started college. It wasn’t until I was there that I realized I still held a lot of anger and resentment. This bled into my personality. It affected how I treated myself, my friends, my love interests, and my family. Resentment sickens us over time. You become a worse version of yourself. It would take me three or four years before I completely forgave my parents. It was an arduous struggle filled with doubt, sadness, and more anger. However, once I overcame it, my world brightened and my emotional baggage lightened. To my relief, my interactions with everyone in my life (including myself) improved.
- I was suffering from severe depression. 2008 occurred during a time of great transition. I had graduated from high school, moved out of the house, and started college in rural north Mississippi. Two of my best friends moved away for college. I was questioning my faith. Not to mention, we had our first black President (just to add national context). Historically, transitions have been the trigger for my depression and anxiety. Nowadays, I have – with the help of an amazing therapist and lots of personal growth – developed the tools necessary to cope with transition.
Advice: I won’t encourage anyone to do anything before they’re ready. But should you find yourself in a funk, a rut, or just a state of stagnation, you might want to consider questioning or addressing deep rooted issues within yourself. It could be that the cause of strife in your current life is related to something in your past.
THE STRUGGLE OF THE ALLY – HOW TO AVOID A WHITE SAVIOR COMPLEX
Race is in the news. A lot. It’s always been there. It’s woven into the fabric of America. However, in the last few years, the number of hate crimes has risen. Race, it seems, will continue to define our nation. Yes, I know race is a human construct. We are one species with variations based on where we evolved. For the sake of this topic though, we will operate within this social construct. Since the Civil Rights Movement, those seeking equality understood that we need the strength, courage, and assistance of those outside of marginalized communities. This is essential to any social movement. In America, that has meant engaging with white people who still make-up approximately 60 – 65% of the nation’s population. We need allies who support us and believe in our cause to work with us. I am always happy to engage people who consider themselves as allies.
That said, as in anything, there’s a tendency to swing to the extreme. Hence, the white savior complex, a phrase coined by someone else and I take no credit for. This complex involves appropriating the suffering of non-white people and acting on it with a self-serving interest. We don’t need your saving. We don’t need your self-importance. We don’t need you to be angrier than us. We need you to listen to us. We need you to understand the issues within our community. We need you to use your privilege to help (when requested).
Now, several things inspired me to write about this. Recently, a friend shared an experience that summed up my recent musings. She recounted a past experience about a prospective black student joining her research group. Like many and I in our department, she values diversity and inclusion. Ultimately, the prospective student decided on another institution. Standard practice in graduate school selection. During this conversation, she uttered a statement that struck me as enlightening: “You know, I thought about it afterwards. If she would’ve asked where to get her hair done, no one in our group would’ve known.” A small incident like that could’ve been one of the dozens of socio-cultural paper cuts that can make non-whites lack a sense of belonging. When I moved to Arizona, no one could point me to the black barbershop. I had to find one on my own (after receiving a terrible haircut). But I wonder how many people – who harp on diversity and inclusion – stop and think about how underrepresented minorities would feel if plopped down in the middle of a predominantly white institution full of privilege. How might they feel? Isolated? Misunderstood? Lacking in familiar culture? Like imposters? That’s how I felt surrounded by allies with the best-intentions. There are many nuanced socio-cultural components affecting underrepresented minorities. You wouldn’t know these components unless you truly invest in these groups. Being an ally in any context is complicated and difficult. Sometimes it seems like we’re wishy-washy with our requests. In truth, it can be very simple. Respect the groups you claim to support.
Advice: If you’re a minority, engage your allies. If you notice overreaching behavior, approach them. A conversation, not conflict, is the goal. If you’re an ally, thank you. But also consider your motives. Why do you support women’s rights? LGBT rights? Civil rights? A little self-examination can go a long way and it doesn’t imply you have impure motives. Instead, you may learn more about the root of your intentions (and hence yourself) which can help you to become a better ally.
CURRENT SHOWS
Recently finished: Bodyguard; Secret City; The Last Kingdom (s3)
Currently watching: 9-1-1 (s2); Terrace House: Boys and the Girls in the City (s2)
Thank you for reading! Per usual I will announce my New Year’s resolutions on January 1st in a special blog. However, the next true blog will be scheduled for Thursday, January 17th. Until next time….
The Planetary Novelist 