Ah, I’m feeling refreshed after taking last week off from work. July heralds the last leg of my journey as an assistant language teacher in Japan. I can’t believe this wonderful life experience is already coming to an end.
SONG INSPIRATION
This month’s blog is inspired by Doja Cat’s “Streets (Stilettos Remix)”.
JAPAN – ONE MONTH
I’m down to my last month in Japan. I only have 2.5 weeks of teaching left until summer vacation. I’ve felt so discombobulated. On the one hand time has flown by. On the other hand, I feel like I’ve been here for a year. At this point, I’m just vibing – enjoying my last days interacting with my kids, eating my favorite foods, taking responsible trips, spending time with the friends I’ve made here, and savoring the feeling of safety and convenience. The journey back to America will require extra hoops due to the panini. And that doesn’t even include all of the standard preparation and paperwork I need to complete.
WRITING UPDATE
My second peer reviewed paper will be published! I received my decision letter last week. And now it’s on to paper number three, which I finally received edits for from all of my co-authors.
In the land of fiction writing, progress on my novel remains steadfast. At this point, I just need to get the shit done and I’m happy to say that I’ve been cranking out about two scenes per week. I feel for the poor sap who’s going to read the first draft of this garbage. But I’m thrilled at my writing streak. I’d really like to have a first draft of my novel by year’s end. I can always tell when I’m making good progress when writing – I don’t hear the character’s voices in my head.
SENTIMENTALITY
This may come as a surprise to those closest to me. They may not even believe this section. But ya boy is getting mushy as he ages. That’s right. I’m becoming sentimental. At first, it involved my parents. Nothing prepares you for watching your parents age. For me, it has induced a wave of nostalgia and sentimentality. Indeed, some days I find myself thinking of them – and life after them – and getting very emotional. It’s not something we want to think about, but we have to acknowledge it. It’s life. As much I enjoy recounting the good times we’ve had together while also continuing to make new memories, I can’t help but experience dual emotions: a feeling of warmth that radiates from the pit of my stomach and a sinking feeling that runs a chill down my spine.
Recently, my sentimental ass mindset has expanded into other areas. New friends and students. Let’s start with new friends. Despite a desire to – and interest in – meeting new people and forming new connections, I’ve been increasingly hesitant with age. Why? One reason, I’m scared. I’m scared to invest in new people because it’s more people I have to care about. That’s more people to worry about, to feel sad about, to mourn, and so on. Of course, the flip side is that it’s more people to enrich my life, make memories with, have laughs with, etc. I know it’s a matter of perspective, but being emotionally vulnerable ain’t easy. In Japan, I’ve managed to make a few friends. But those friendships will soon be added to the growing number of friends living in different states and countries – a collection of people I want to keep in touch with but who dwell out of reach. That’s fine. Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. But the emotional toll is something I’m only starting to realize.
Now let’s deal with students (and teachers). I expected this outcome. I’ve always gotten attached to my students even when I was an undergraduate teaching assistant. Leaving my students feels like I’m letting them down. I would love to watch my students grow and serve as a mentor as they progress from middle school to high school and into adult hood. Several of my students have bonded with me either over a desire to learn English to study abroad or because they’re already fluent English speakers. Returning home feels like I’m abandoning them. I’ve also bonded with a couple of my teachers, and I know I’ll carry memories of them with me for as long as I’m mentally sound. However, this burgeoning sentimentality has fueled my desire for a return trip to Japan in a couple of years to reunite with friends and teachers.
At the root of this is some combination of vulnerability, age, and decreasing testosterone levels. I guess it’s a good thing that I’m starting to realize how much I cherish the people in my life and how precious our time is on Earth.
CURRENT SHOWS
Recently finished: Castlevania (s4); Lucifer (s5); Lupin (part 2); Master of None (s3); Superstore (s5-6); Tokyo Ghoul (s1); Yasuke
Currently watching: Bob’s Burgers (s11); John Adams; Tokyo Ghoul (s2)
Thank you for reading! My next blog is scheduled for Thursday, July 29th. That’s right it’s a double blog month! Please stay safe and get vaccinated (if possible). Until next time….
The Planetary Novelist 