In the last month, I’ve rediscovered good sleep, dry heat, and how to drive on a freeway. It’s always a mixed bag during societal and environmental collapse. Let’s get into it.
SONG INSPIRATION
This month’s blog is inspired by a throwback, Bow Wow’s 2005 “Let Me Hold You”. Completely forgot this song existed, but immediately fell back in love when I heard it again.
LABOR DAY WEEKEND
I spent my first holiday stateside in the border city of El Paso. I’d only visited El Paso once before while moving across the US 8 years ago. This time I had the opportunity to explore more of the city and eat fantastic Mexican cuisine. While I’ve never given El Paso much thought (mostly because I had no reason to), I have heard a few (strong) opinions about the city. What I found was a cozy city nestled against beautiful mountains full of culture and delicious food. Although I just returned to the states, it was nice to get away for a few days and veg out on a comfortable sofa surrounded by jovial company. Now that I know several people there, I look forward to future – and tasty – visits. For a variety of reasons, this visit to El Paso felt like a turning point in my readjustment to America. On one hand, I felt like I’d finally started to reach some sort of stability. On the other, it opened a can of possibilities and provoked existential questions about my future (i.e., where I want to live, what I want to do, and how I envision my personal relationships).
IT’S A POST-DOC LIFE FOR US
Am I doing this write? Yah, I hate puns but c’mon it sums science up nicely. I’ve been on my 2nd post-doc now for about 4 weeks. One of the things that I – and a few friends who I’ve commiserated with – love about being a post-doc is the freedom and flexibility. Unlike graduate school, there isn’t this necessarily looming deadline of DEFENDING and the ever-present pressure of a committee. As a post-dizzle, you have your street cred and you have your work. Like Nike, all day you dream…. wait, wrong brand. Like Nike, you just do it! My work has mostly been writing, but I’ve started to incorporate mentoring as I help facilitate research involving a project on [CLASSIFIED]. Let’s just say it’s about Mars – same ole shit. Anywho, the work-life balance which has facilitated much-needed self-care has provided me with the energy to work more efficiently. I’m looking forward to taking on additional responsibilities related to the project I’m assisting/advising on. Whether or not, I can do much more – or continue this sort of work long term – remains to be seen. I’m aching to return to the classroom. But I’m also aware that I need more time to psychologically heal. Either way, I’m enjoying myself and gaining (cautious) insight into what I want to do next.
THE CHANGE – A READJUSTING INTROVERT
My introversion to extroversion, depending on what online quiz you take, has always wavered around 52% v 48%, respectively. I’ve always considered myself an extroverted introvert, or a public introvert / private extrovert according to one quiz. I don’t like large groups of people and I don’t get my energy from people. I get my energy from socializing and spending time with my people – the people who I love. But then came Sars-Cov-2 and her little badass brat Miss Delta. I’ve been isolated from large arcs of my social circle for almost 1.5 years. And then came Japan, a more introverted society where silence is just as valued as flapping your gums. If I had to take an internet quiz right now, I’d probably score ~65 v 35% introversion to extroversion. Folks, I’m becoming a hermit.
Don’t get me wrong. I still want to socialize. But I just don’t have the energy (or the patience). Living alone (for the first time) in Japan taught me how to be comfortable with myself and my thoughts. It taught me the value of solitude. And that had the added effect of making me love myself more. I fell in love with myself – with who I aspire to be, who I am, and all the mess that comes with it. I’m at peace with myself. Now that I’m home (and vaccinated), however, I have the opportunity to spend more time with friends and establish new bonds. But I’m waging a war within myself – a war that pits the side that is completely content staying at home and self-caring against the side that wants to socialize to sustain and build stronger relationships. I’m sure it’s just a matter of realizing a new set of priorities – a sort of culture shock of the psyche – but in the meantime, I’ll take the time to process everything I’m feeling and continue taking care of myself.
CURRENT SHOWS
Recently finished: Easy (s3); Law & Order: SVU (s22); The Killing (s1-2)
Currently watching: Bakuman (s1); Modern Family (s2); The Killing (s3); What If…? (s1); Zumbo’s Just Desserts
As always, thank you for reading. If you are able, please vaccinate, wear a mask, and continue to practice mindful social distancing. Keep safe and healthy. My next blog is scheduled for Thursday, October 21st. Until then….
The Planetary Novelist 