Here we are again – on a path toward good times and grievances.
SONG INSPIRATION
This month’s blog is inspired by Megan Thee Stallion’s “Cognac Queen”.
A BEACH OF MIND
Folks, I got some much-needed R&R on a beach in the Yucutan. I’d dreamt about sitting – well, lying – idle on a beach under a canopy with a drank in my cup for 6 months. And it was glorious. I felt euphoric. Every now and then, you need to do absolutely nothing. I ate. I drank. I laughed. I talked. I read. But I left all of my duties and responsibilities behind (ok, except for a couple of work emails toward the end of the trip). One of my favorite aspects of vacations, aside from lounging around, is the opportunity for perspective. I spent a lot of energy thinking about my career options, my passions, my writing, and – on a less happy note – death and resentment. I’ll touch on some of these topics in the following sections, but I’ll highlight a couple here.
Between the blitzes of euphoria (tipsiness) on the beach while watching the blue-green waves lap against the sand, I thought about the next year of my life. It’s exhilarating and unnerving. While I’ll remain a post-doc for the next 10 months, I will likely be moving (across country?) next summer to start a new position. I will have a new apartment, new boss, new city, and new lifestyle. It caused me to reflect on the 8 years I’ve spent in the Sonoran Desert – the friendships formed, obstacles overcome, and achievements unlocked. I reflected on how the tiny choices and large decisions I made led me to this beach – to this point in my life.
And I did all of that with a margarita!
Now why in the hell was I thinking about resentment? Whelp, an idle mind is fertile soil for self-reflection and inspiration! (Now, isn’t that a better take than religious dogma?). I had time to reflect on some of my unflattering traits, specifically ones I’ve started to express since the pandemic. And that’s how we arrived at resentment. Cards on the table, unfortunately, I’ve witnessed resentment in a number of personal relationships growing up. Usually, this resentment was the result of mistakes, lack of communication, and social pressures (like the ones that tell women to hold their tongues). It manifested as biting remarks, arguments, and mistrust. On that beach, I realized that – at times – I’m more comfortable with resentment than genuine affection. That’s not a good look and want to make sure going forward that I don’t fall into the habits I witnessed as a child. I think a good way to avoid that is continued meaningful dialogue and cognitive behavioral adjustments.
Again, with a drink in my cup!
JOB SEARCH
To date, I’ve submitted 5 job applications. I’m currently working on a 6th which I hope to submit next week. While many job postings continue to use problematic language or make stressful requests, I genuinely enjoy applying for jobs because I get to imagine the next stage of my life. A new organization. New location. New people. A chance to start fresh. Honestly, I like to switch up the scenery every few years anyway. In terms of jobs, I continue to favor anything that emphasizes teaching and mentorship. However, after 2 months at my 2nd postdoc, I’ve come to accept – and appreciate – a certain amount of research. I love facilitating science and there are a few methodologies I genuinely enjoy. However, I still don’t like writing proposals and the thought of being responsible for creating “a robust externally funded research program” sounds terrifying. For now, I’ll continue to apply for positions that interest me and dwell in the possibilities of the near future.
Reflected on this topic over a mojito…or two.
THE ILLUSION OF CONTROL
We often hear how it’s important to relinquish control. Some of us – including myself – attempt to exercise too much control over our lives to quell our anxieties. And when life throws us curveballs, that inflexible structure of control breaks causing more maladies. But we also have to accept that control is an illusion. An asteroid could fall on my head as type th Ha! Fine, that was lame. Any semblance of control, outside of your beliefs and actions, is an illusion. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get cozy in our little bubble of illusion. After all, ruminating too much on lack of control could cause an existential crisis. Once again, the old adage is true – all things in moderation.
I’ve recently been reminded of our utter lack of control by a number of deaths in my extended family. They’ve highlighted how tomorrow, the precursor to longevity, is guaranteed by no one. That’s why it’s so important to create a place of solitude within yourself and to dwell in that space. Life will inevitably pull you out of that zone of comfort from time to time. But having a (mental) space to return to is crucial in this world of probability and pandemic. It ain’t easy. But it’s necessary to maintain a balanced peace of mind throughout life.
This section brought to you by a Cosmopolitan. I drank a lot during that week.
CURRENT SHOWS
Recently finished: Lucifer (s6); Modern Family (s3); Taco Chronicles (s1-2); The Killing (s3-4); What If…?; Zumbo’s Just Desserts (s2)
Currently watching: Bakuman (s1); Great British Bake-Off (s9); Modern Family (s4); Neon Genesis Evangelion; Sex Education (s3)
Thank you for taking some time to read my lame ass thoughts. Please continue to stay safe and practice mindfulness – and if you can, get vaccinated! My next blog is scheduled for Thursday, November 18th. Until then….
The Planetary Novelist 